Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Mangutovo, Mangutovo, Mangutovo

Dharma is about being here and now, fully in the present moment, and I have truly been living like that this summer. A clear example is our decision (Carina and myself) to travel to Mangutovo. As I return from Schwarzenberg, she tells me she has had an idea, but I am off for coffee and a chat with my beloved friend Joan Paul, so this has to wait. Finally, at 22:00 with a few other friends, the decision is made, we rent a car and head to Mangutovo tomorrow morning.

To say that the trip was a good one would be a lie, I was uncomfortable, hot, I ate too much and felt generally irritable, although happy to be soon again in the Lama's power field. Let's just say this sort of experience is oddly and perversely reassuring: I am still human, haha!

Finally, after an extremely long drive for our poor Georg, we made it to the wild forests surrounding Mangutovo. At that point I was repeating like a mantra "mangutovo, mangutovo, mangutovo..." And we were suddenly there!!!! Already the lecture was over, but our friends were at the Cafeteria having a drink and making bonds. I was immediately amazed by all the friendly faces from all past courses, and at least 10 people from Latin America were present!!! What a great development that we are able to come to these remote retreat centers. We decided to sleep in the Gompa and wait til the morning to set up our tent.
The morning after was spectacular, since it was night time when we arrived, it is just now that I am really able to appreciate the beauty of this place. We are in the Slovak mountains, and the view is magnificent! The sky is the bluest shade of blue and the sun shines on us, it is a true summer and you can almost grasp at the joy in the air. In the showers I meet Magda, from Poland, who sat next to me in the EC Gompa. We rejoice in meeting again and she exclaims joyfully "All the homeless people!!!" After all, she is right, we have been on the road for over two months, sleeping in tents, traveling by accident or mere chance, meeting over and again the same friends who also live on the road. We joke at the fact that the both of us are indeed homeless and basically country-less. She might move to Germany and my heart is set on Prague.

I later move to the Gompa, I am more motivated than ever to practice. I feel an ocean of peace inside of me and all I want to do is ride the wave of motivation and meditate. This place is full of good impressions, it moves me to practice and I open my booklet and relax on the Purification Buddha's image that I build over my head. I AM COMPLETELY HAPPY HERE AND NOW.
Soon we'll see Lama Ole and the thought almost makes my heart jump inside my chest. I focus on the crystal Buddha and let thoughts go. Suddenly I feel the urge to get up and put my things on the Blessing table. I quickly understand this is just another distraction, and I should just let it go. I return to the meditation and peacefully enjoy it.

As soon as we arrived I started to ask all of the Hungarians on how to arrange a ride to Budapest on Monday, but space is scarse and my only sure thing is driving out Sunday afternoon with Adam, but I say no. I want to be with the Lama, the Sangha, and I trust Space. I will go to Budapest on Monday.

The lectures start... I am so happy to see my lama again. I feel so different than I ever felt before, I feel the unlimited field of possibilities opening to me, to really be of benefit for others. Suddenly a smile is no longer just a smile, it is much more: appreciation, openness, willingness to be useful and help. I see how I have moved from having a very small life to living a large life that commands inspiration to finish my Ngöndro and to be of service.
I meditate again the day after, I want to be worthy of my teacher, of my friends on the way, of Buddha's teachings, therefore I must purify my mind of all laziness, stiffness and rigid opinions and structures. I want to be open, like sunshine,and thus be useful.

Lama Ole says: "It is always a practice of what is possible"

That night, I have a beautiful surprise. G. comes to me. I am happiest. I knew I would get to Budapest on Monday, but didn't expect it would be like this. Space is again generous beyond measure. Although I had decided to go see him in Budapest since my stay in Schwarzenberg, I must confess a subtle hesitation inside of me, it is not an easy step to take, but here he is meeting me half-way and all things fall into place. Again, he makes me feel safe.

Monday comes finally and we must leave. Mangutovo is all over my heart, I don't want to go. We go into the Lama House to visit the Gompa which will be inaugurated tonight. Latzi gives us the tour, showing us all the beautiful statues and tsa-tsas. As we come down the stairs I see Lama Ole is having dinner on the terrace and decide to say goodbye. He takes me in his arms, more gently than ever. His tenderness numbs me, and G., who is with me, also feels the same, we get an amazing blessing, he talks to us, tells us to always be friends and enjoy life, he holds our heads tightly to his forehead and speaks to us gently, no matter how hard we try, we cannot remember afterwards what he said.

As we walk towards the flags, G. whispers "I am still shaking from the blessing". So am I...

No comments:

Post a Comment