Sunday, July 3, 2011

Cold and wet and lonely

My first morning in Kuchary was gray and I left with Zbyszek into town, in order to find an ATM and get some Polish money. To my surprise, the ride was shared with a lovely -and very tall - young Polish woman, Malvina, and by TOMEK!!! Who needed a new pair of glasses. While his glasses were been made, we went shopping and ate the best sausages ever. The Polish definitely know what they're doing in that department. After spending a good friendly time in town, we headed back to Kuchary right in time for Lama Ole's first lecture.

The rain started to fall implacably, and I later discovered that water had come inside my tent, and that basically all my clothes were completely wet. The only things that were spared were my sleeping bag, every single one of my sweaters and my computer bag. So all in all I really can't complain much about this purification. My darling Kuba came to Kuchary today to spend the night, and right in time to save me once more. He covered my tent (well, it's actually his) with an extra plastic cover and I headed to the kitchen, where a drying machine is found and proceeded to dry everything up.

My real purification is taking place inside my heart, I am dealing with this attachment that tugs badly at my heart. The lama teachings are beautifully inspiring to me, as he responds to his students' questions, where many, many focus on love. I wrote a poem today, about this love I feel:

Nunca me he comportado con nadie como lo he hecho contigo.
La ofrenda de mi cuerpo es total, completa y absoluta para ti. Mi único deseo es hacerte feliz y que sientas placer.
Todas mis palabras dulces están dirigidas a ti. Deseo entregarte mi amor en cuentos, historias, poemas y sabiduría, en canciones y en melodías.
Todos mis pensamientos, mis ideas, mis sueños van desde mi corazón hacia el tuyo. Recibes consciente o inconscientemente toda mi ternura, y mis mejores deseos, ausentes de rigidez. Deseo para ti toda la felicidad, todo el amor, que yo te pueda dar o que otra pueda entregarte.
El amor en mi y para ti es eso, amor, pero también es compasión, para protegerte de todo daño, de todo dolor, de toda pena. Y es alegrarme por tu felicidad, y celebrarla; finalmente es descansar en si mismo, con paz, con serenidad, y con certeza de que nada que te entregue a ti se pierde. Si no deseas recibirlo, incluso si llegas a rechazarlo, te beneficiará igual y luego se transformará para traerme a mi el anhelo de mi alma.
Que seas bendito amor mío por estos sentimientos que me inspiras. Que crezcas por ellos, que ganes inspiración y plenitud. Que te lleve como un viento benigno donde seas más grande. Te amo.

Somehow writing really helps.

Kuba left the night before, his parting words to me were: "Now be a good girl. Find yourself a boy." J

I leave tomorrow for Budapest, Majki has made arrangements for me to ride with a friend of his together with a Peruvian girl I met in Karma Guen, Carina, and Maja, a Swizz girl who was in El Salvador this year. I am just dying to get there and sleep in a real bed and take a hot bath again and do some serious laundry.
Lama Ole is really happy to find me in each stage of the trip. He kisses me and tells me "Thank you for coming" I gently remind him that I am here thanks to his inspiration and blessing and that it was him who beckoned me to travel with him, and, like the Polish say "you must always do as Lama says".

I still don't know what awaits me in the future. I have an appointment at the EC in August with Anna Potyka and the Association's lawyers to see the possibilities of asking for my visa as a researcher for Diamond-Way. On the other hand, my mother has promised to do the necessary steps to request her French and Spanish nationality. Either works for me, I just want to stay here for as long as the right energies are with me, and to try to make a life for my girls and myself. After EC, I will visit my uncle and my french-spanish family in a town near Alicante. Work has been coming my way and I expect some payments, so all looks quite good so far.

I think quite often of my Salvadoran Sangha, my dear friends along the way, I hold them in my thoughts and in every single meditation, making strong wishes to have them here as well, as soon as possible.

Karmapa Chenno

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