Monday, July 4, 2011

After Kuchary

After Kuchary, my friends Ola and Joonas drove me to Warsaw. The friend Majki had arranged for us to ride changed his mind twice about where to ride next and I decided to take my fate into my own hands and later found out Maja had done the same. We rode together into the city, only I was taken to the centre, which in Warsaw is called Stupa Haus. I was amazed at its size: it is 4 stories high, very pretty and well organized. 

On the basement there is a big kitchen and a large area I can only assume is used for parties. The first floor is actually more of a living-room area, and the second floor houses the Gompa as well as showers. This is where I will spend the night, sleeping among Buddhas. On the third floor I find the living quarters of the residents and among many other friends, I am pleased to find already there Pavel, from Spain, he was the one who actually talked me into coming to this place and I am grateful. We now have the opportunity to talk much more, and he gives me good inspiration. He reminds me of the importance of having clear priorities on my journey, and of clearing unnecessary sources of attachment and suffering. Yet, as I go online, I find a beautiful message from my beloved and my heart skips a beat. What to do when you feel so much love and yet so much confusion at the same time…

That is exactly what Pavel is warning me about. I should make a clean cut and focus on finding the place where i want to live in Europe, on bringing my kids here as soon as possible, and open space for a Diamond Way man to come into my life. Everything he says makes perfect sense. He even goes on and says that this would also be beneficial for my beloved, since right now communicating with me nourishes him somehow, but not in the appropriate way, not in the way that leads us to build relationships, only in a foggy way that is not clear and is at once pleasant and painful. I understand what he says, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and I go on confused and attached.

The time in Kuchary was hard for me. For once I was alone, not having enough connections to sit with friends at the lectures, I kept mostly to myself. But  the Poles being the great people they are, everywhere I went to sit I was welcomed and actually taken care of. The second evening was so terribly cold I was really having a hard time. The Serbs next to me, Bertha and her family covered me with a sleeping bag and the Pole guy next to me also gave me blanket, when that slipped off my back, the guy sitting behind me would make sure I was well covered again. I've never seen such kindness and selflessness. Their friendliness and warmth made me almost forgot the cold. But after the lectures ended I avoided the cafeteria or dining tent and preferred to retreat to my own tent, where I could crawl under the sleeping bag, covered my all my sweaters and read the book "he" gave me. I felt lonely and sometimes a bit sad, missing my loved ones and missing "him". The last day I came upon Pavel and Carina and Joonas and Ola and felt more of a belonging feeling; but this purification needs to happen, and I guess I must feel the sadness I feel, the desperate longing for my beloved, and the overarching instinct that tells me I must let go. The last night I attended the party, danced with my friends for a while and went to bed in a better mood. Yet, no matter the purification, the Lama's energy has covered me up in love, and I didn't feel so bad all in all.


The following day, Maja and I meet again and we go to the train station. We leave our bags and go for a walk in the shopping center next door. At 9 in the evening, we board the night train that will take us to  Budapest. We celebrate and drink Champagne. The morning after, as we awaken, we are in Budapest.

Csaba's wife Eva is at the station waiting for me and she takes me home for a delicious hot bath. Csaba's place is located in a very old part of Budapest called Aquicum, in honor of the many roman ruins in the area. We take a walk along the Danube, which is beautiful although not really blue. The road is full of trees and vegetation and along the river, there are many small cafés and restaurants. People walk by, whole families on bicycles. In a few days, a huge music festival will take place on an island on the Danube, people from around the world come and camp in the island for the duration of the festival. Life looks good in Budapest, carefree and sunny.

I almost forget I am here on a mission, a dharma mission. And Becske awaits!

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