What are a thousand years for planet earth? what are a hundred years for western civilization? what are ten years or a few more for a human?
For me they were in part a never-ending inner struggle. Struggle against bad habits, bad relationships, struggle against addictions, unemployment, low self-esteem, struggle to find myself and get some footing, struggle to become independent, struggle to breathe in and out relaxed and satisfied with my life as it is.
And times came and went, the good and the bad, and the ones I thought were good but turned out to be bad, and the one I considered bad but in the end turned out to be quite good. And people came and went. Friends, lovers and those who some time or other betrayed me, and those who eventually surprised me. And feelings and emotions came and went. Hatred and anger and resentment, pain and poor-me situations, lion's roar and I'm the king of the world, until finally some peace and quiet came my way, until my karma led me to my teacher, to my community, to my friends, my family, my Way.
And the Way is called Diamond-Way, and the teacher is called Lama Ole Nydahl and the community/friends/family is called Sangha. It is an International Western Buddhist association under the spiritual guidance of the XVII Gyalwa Karmapa, Trinley Thaye Dorje, you can learn much more about it on the appropriate web-pages, many are dedicated to the lineage, to Karmapa or to Lama Ole. This blog is not about that, at least not directly about that. This blog is quite egotistically about ME.
So like I said my karma led me out of my misery, this misery that most human beings live with most of their lives simply because they are not aware that methods exist that can change one's life completely. The teachings of Buddha were my gift to myself, and have guided my little life so far. Among other things they gave me joy and purpose, and the strength to believe in myself and to become stronger. So after much more than ten years of unfruitful and frustrating wishing and not achieving, I wished and achieved. I am back in Europe.
So ok, this requires some clarifications, but quite brief, the past isn't really all that important. Let's just say that I was born and raised in Paris, France and then suddenly abruptly uprooted in my teens and brought to El Salvador, this minute however beautiful country of Central America. In El Salvador civil war was raging and I went from utter freedom spent in the streets of Paris with my childhood friends to being locked up in a house, lonely as a mouse surrounded by cats, for the El Salvadorans my age were anything but open-minded, and a teenage french girl with an attitude was a little too much for them. Since then my wildest dream has been to return to Europe. All attempts so far failed.
Then came a traveling teacher who spoke eloquently and I decided the time had come to put all my energy in one direction and to pave my way to Europe again. And I did. Many are the friends I have to thank for helping me. Most importantly a member of my Sangha who works at an airline and generously offered me an airplane ticket at a price that made all the rest possible. Then the amazing lady who hires me in Guatemala (I'm a free-lance simultaneous interpreter you see, and since the crisis, work has been rather rare) and gave me so much work that I could save money for the big trip. Then my children, for whom such a move is so essential, the opportunities for them in Europe compared to those in El Salvador are enough to make the move an obligation, and my friends in whom I confided who supported my idea, of course, the man I fell in love with, who lived overseas, and who I wanted to see again so badly nothing could possibly hold me back, and my mother of course who offered to take care of my two lovely daughters while my adventure took place.
So thanks to all these good connections I spread out my wings and fly, fly, fly...