Saturday, June 18, 2011

My birthday

Today is my birthday.

I am utterly joyful. My beloved gave me a present, not to open until today and the best part is a letter I have read so many times already I know it by heart. The present is 3 books... My favorite gift... how did he know? but of course he knew...

Karma Guen is everything I hoped for and much more. The work at the office has allowed me to meet quite many people since almost everyone at one time or another stops by. Kuba and I have become great friends and this afternoon he took me to the beach with a few girls. I am so happy to have made girl-friends. A girl needs a girl, and the office team only has one dakini... ME!!! So I swam in the Mediterranean, which I hadn't done since I was a kid. I was bewildered at the peacefulness of the ocean, it was almost still and quickly became very deep... What an experience for me, a mermaid from the Pacific!

I am overwhelmed by everyone's generosity. Little presents manifested from all directions, from ripe papaya, to Green Tara images, to Dharma books, to Buddhas. I am happy to meet old friends and to make new ones and tonight... we actually DANCED!!!! Kuba brought some wine, and cheese and ham and we all played some music and we danced!!! I am so happy. This is what all birthday celebrations ought to be like. Uncomplicated, spontaneous, stress-free and joyful. To think that this morning I was melancholic...

I have never before found myself immersed in a full Buddhist environment and I am amazed at the kindness people have shown me. I was very sick two nights ago. I actually left my tent at two a.m. and went to wake up the doctor. Those who know me know how much I detest disturbing other people, especially those I don't know very well. Asking for a favor is a torture to me, so imagine how bad the pain was for me to go wake up Steffi at 2 am!!! She actually went for another doctor, and they decided to inject Buscapine in my arm. The effect was quite quick. They had gone for Zenon, a kind Lituanian colossus with a lopsided smile who is a resident at Karma Guen, and asked him to drive me to the hospital, I, of course found the idea repulsive and was protesting with all the strength left to me from the pain, but after the medication went into my bloodstream, no more pain, no more hospital talk... Back to the tent and finally some sleep. Well, all this illness talk to tell you that so many people came to see how I was doing. I feel loved and appreciated, and as Lama Ole says "We take Refuge in Space, which contains information, and we experience deep bliss. It also contains experience - and it's naturally very kind." My friends on the Way open their hearts to me and I vow to be deserving...


I am also experiencing difficulties. Attachment is a tough thing, and I can't shake off the feeling of oneness I felt with my beloved, just a few days ago. I wish he could be here with me and I could bury my face in his chest and my fingers in his hair. But he is not and I must learn to let go and move on. Life is kind and gentle to me, now is not the time for craving what is not offered. Now is the time to grow.

Phowa course starts in two days, the Lama is in Malaga as we speak. What else is there?

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