Thursday, September 1, 2011

About the Future and Other Uncertainties

As I ride the tram on my way home, this word strikes me... "home" I am thinking of going back to the Budapest Buddhist center, where I have been staying for over a week now, in Gergö's apartment and my mind just automatically said "home". The thought doesn't scare me, and that is in itself scary.

As I reflect on the summer I've spent travelling I see how many unexpected things have happened along the way. I never, for example, planned on going to Kuchary. It sort of happened spontaneously, like Tenovice, like Prague and Vienna, like Denmark, like Mangutovo... It would seem I am becoming a professional artist in Spontaneity. My relationship with Gergö is also like that. A work of Spontaneous Art.

Lama Ole urges us continuously to live more in the present, to be more here and now, and stop wasting our time reflecting upon the past and anticipating the future. Of course, he means it this way: "wasting our time". Because spending time wondering why I did this, or said that, is useless, and spending idle time wondering what might happen if, or worrying about what will be is also useless. However learning from our past and planning the future are not useless forms of entertaining ourselves, in fact these are very significant ways of growing, developing and reaching our goals.

Therefore, resting in here and now I've come to be where I am, no over-analysis, no counter-balancing decisions, just flowing with what's right in front of my nose, and it's worked quite well so far. I call this Meditation In Action. Knowing effortlessly what to do next, trusting space absolutely and giving in to what feels right. This is my Art of Spontaneity.

Now however, I must  look forward a bit, a strange thing lingers on the near horizon. It's called "deadline". Just the word is enough to feel chills in your back... DEAD and LINE. There is not much escape from those two words, no spontaneous flow to liberate me... I am stuck and grounded by this forecast. There is a LINE in my near future and it's DEAD!!!

I entered the European Union on June 11th and got the longest stay permit available for any non-Schengen national: 90 days. So this basically means I must either leave Europe on September 11 (although, as Gari puts it, 90 days is actually September 9th, thank you very much), or find a solution. Being the very fortunate girl that I am, I found myself a very active boyfriend, who has been dedicating loads of time and energy to finding a solution for this terrible predicament we're in. I can never convey with words the gratefulness I feel as I see him working so hard to extend my stay. MY stay. And my heart literally overflows with love for him for his diligent efforts to help ME. ♥ ♥ ♥ <3 <3 <3 ad infinitum...

Yet so far, we still find ourselves in the same plight. Our friends give advise and we make a decision that apparently has worked for others, albeit being a bit risky. We will leave the Schengen treaty area and come back, hoping for another 90 days permit. The idea sounds brilliant! Especially since our destination of choice is Croatia the beautiful, the beach is not so far and already we are happy and careless tourists in our minds. But the drawback of this apparently flawless plan is, if I'm unlucky, I could not be allowed back in Hungary and therefore would have to find creative ways of returning to El Salvador, and maybe face worse consequences when trying to return.

Those who know me know I rarely dwell on inauspicious thoughts.

Instead I tell Gari, wearing a smile that only has space for thoughts of beautiful Croatia, that with the amount of blessings that we both carry, how could ANYTHING go wrong??? Our lama is making wishes, our friends are making wishes, we are making wishes... It's a no-brainer!

So we make plans for Croatia, and for the Salzburg Stupa inauguration later this month. After that, it will be time for me to take a big plane and fly back to El Salvador, to work a bit for one month and earn some dough, to help me start my new life in Hungary - Oh, that's right, you don't know...

Well... about the future and stuff... We've decided I should come back here, to Budapest, and give love a chance.

Prague is not going anywhere anyways...

1 comment:

  1. como te pareces a mi! por supuesto q te daran los 90 dias mas! t deseso lo mejor. avisa a q hora y cuando estaran entrando de nuevo ok? so we send loads of light and energy. <3 saludes al nuevo primo, jejeje!