As I walked out of the airplane I realized I was actually sulking, purposely NOT smiling to others. Upon realizing that I was actually avoiding to smile and pouting to other people, who, in the end, had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that I was frustrated at having landed in El Salvador (remember... chains and ALL), I had to laugh at myself, however secretly. How old are you? asked a little voice inside my head, and I HAD to smile, at my own childish behavior, and to other people of course. You have to understand I am - almost by definition - a smiler. I cannot help myself, I have always been a smiler. I do it well and I do it often if not always, often throwing people off as a strange person, or a flirt. (Now that is not my intention by the way, just a side effect of being a smiler).
So anyways, here I am, having just considered my life as I knew it coming to an end, and now suddenly feeling quite amused at my own pessimistic mind frame, walking through the Comalapa airport corridors, when I suddenly hear a male voice yell "MAR!" behind me. The surprise made me turn around, who could I possibly know here and now????
My dear friend Foncho was there, waving his arms for me to see him. That was the last straw and my foul mood melted away like it had never been there in the first place. Foncho is a member of my El Salvador Sangha, and the friend who made it possible for me to fly to Europe at all, offering me one of the buddy passes that the airline he works for gives to his employees. And here he was, receiving me right outside the plane. He lets me know other friends are waiting for me outside and slowly a warm homey feeling starts growing in my tummy.
We go through customs together and we get my bags, outside Rosma and Grace are waiting for me. I feel joyful and full of love. Here we are, accross the ocean, and still the Sangha envelops me with love. I am here, I am among my people, my friends, and all is well in the world after all. We hug, we laugh, we are happy to see each other...
Already I am showered with questions, and we laugh and talk all at the same time. It is good to be home... with my friends.
The next thing we do is go to the school to pick up Rosma and my kids, Maïa stayed home, sick, and still doesn't know I'm home, but Sofia is there, and I manage to surprise her. She cannot believe her eyes and jumps into my arms. Our love is whole and intact, and pure. My heart beats faster. I am home, truly home.
We drive to my mother's place. Now that I don't have a house of my own, this is where I'll spend my time here, this is where my daughters live while I am away. The door opens and Maïa sees her mom for the first time. My little girl's eyes fill up with tears that do not flow, instead we hold each other close and laugh. I feel her heart beat faster. I am home, truly, warmly, astonishingly, lovingly home.
And all is well.