Strengthening my immune system

I realize I haven't written a blog post in like.... forever! So, it is hard to make up for all the time that I stayed silent. So much has happened I wouldn't know where to start, so instead of starting at the beginning, I'll just start with wherever I am at right now. If I later feel the urge to fill up the gaps, we'll see, but for now —and as a brief introduction to this post— let me just say: I was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer about 5 months ago. I had a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction in November, all of the above, while living in Miami (!!!) but I am back home in Hungary now.

Finding myself in such a situation, dealing with uncertainty and trying to make the right BIG decisions, a deep sense of loneliness pervades me. I don't know where to turn for advise, or for a gentle pat in the back, or some sort of confirmation about my choices. I don't know anyone here who's gone through the same process, and relying solely on myself can be exhausting...

Therefore, I joined a few breast cancer support groups on Facebook, I simply couldn’t find one in Budapest adequate for me language-wise.

There was a post about how to strengthen the immune system, a valid question when enduring treatments I don't really know if I trust. One of the contributions resonated deeply within me. It said, “work with your mind.”

Wow! Well, isn’t that what I’ve been trying to do for the past 15 years or more?

Work with my mind. It sounds easy and everyone talks about visualization and the law of attraction and about manifestation. The truth is that things are not so clear cut. They say cancer is an emotional disease. And I actually feel so many different things now, enough to keep my mind very busy trying to work it all out. It's up and downs every day. What seems like a fine morning can easily turn into a crying marathon, and vice versa, a difficult morning can become a beautiful day full of hope and happy sensations.

So much for balance. But who ever said that working with our mind is easy?

I remember the summer of 2012, when Karmapa gave us the initiation on Dzambala in Becske. He said, “abundance is good health” and I remember thinking something in the lines of “come on! What I need is money!” Oh well... now it’s the other way around and I think of my foolish younger self with compassion. Little did I know...

In the end, all I can do is whisper to my cells in a soft, humble voice: “Thank you for healing me.”