Freedom

So originally I came here thinking I would move into Karma Guen, become a resident and make my life here, but just a few days here have told me this is not really what I want for my life. Mind you, Karma Guen is perfect. It is beautiful, peaceful, the residents are the loveliest people ever, the energy of the place, the gompa, the Stupa, everything is inspiring. But I must admit I am not ready to live in an island, and metaphorically speaking, Karma Guen is an island.

The one only other plan I had for sure was to travel to Hungary to attend Lama Ole's course at Becske, at the invitation of my dear friend Csaba. I had of course also planned to visit Paris, but this was a romantic trip and since romance is no longer in order (at least not now), I look at what is in front of my nose, and that is: DHARMA.

And right when I was about to purchase my ticket to fly to Budapest, Pavel Chorda walked into my life. Again JuanPa introduced me to Pavel. He is Spanish, in spite of the slavic name and is married to a beautiful girl. They are both here at the course and I have seen them in the Gompa, sitting a few rows ahead of me. And Pavel is proposing we travel together to Kuchary, in Poland. This is absolutely new, I had no plans of going to Poland, but the idea is terribly seductive, especially that now I have at least one very dear friend in Warsaw, since Kuba lives there.

So there! I bought my ticket and on the 29 I will land in Warsaw in order to attend the Kuchary course. Lama Ole's words in San Salvador come back to me and echo in my mind "When you come to Europe, you must travel with me".

I am feeling on a roll and spontaneously register online to attend the Tenovice Phowa in Czech Republic. Why not? I might even go to Prague afterwards, something I've wanted to do my whole life. Life belongs to me and I now can afford it. I know by experience that every single penny invested in Dharma comes back to me multiplied, so no fear, and follow the Lama :)

Possibilities continue to open up before me, the more friends I make, the more destinations that become possible. All I know is I must be at EC in august. Everything else is a possibility.

Meanwhile I got some translations work and have been working really hard, trying to balance my Karma Guen office job, the translations I must finish according to deadlines, and the parties and meditations. I have a full schedule!!!

I also spend much time reading the book my beloved offered me as a Birthday gift. I LOVE this story, it is fantastic, and never go to bed (ah! the word bed.... it is allegorically used here, since I dream in a tent on a mat on the floor) without reading at least one chapter. I am entranced by the story. I love the magic it presents. The books are the Dark Works, mainly right now, the Golden Compass. It makes me dream, I wonder what my daemon would be like if I had one, and I also think of my beloved, and feel love and attachment mingle inside me. "Attachment is such a difficult thing to undo". I continue with my green tara meditations, but also continue to write to him and have even spoken with him on skype... I realize this stop at Brussels was more dangerous than i would admit to, but I also realized things could never have happened differently. Blessed be Brussels and the joy it brought us, because I know he enjoyed it quite as much as I.

Now this is exactly what personal development is made of... a great opportunity for growth, to learn about love, about managing difficult emotions and letting go, and mostly, trusting space.

And how could I not when I am in utter paradise all the time, surrounded by happy loving friends, the smell of pine trees and lavender, the warmth shine of the sun, the meditations, the desert... All the peace and excitement it provides, my heart is constantly moved and appeased all at once. And I still feel the need to share all of this with him. My beloved, my chosen one, the one with whom I've shared untainted love, and with whom only good impressions subside. I KNOW this is what I am in love with, I KNOW this is what I am attached to, and further more, I KNOW this is ME... It is all within my reach. I can make it all happen. It is mine to give, and mine to feel.