When you make a decision like that, a decision big as the sky, a decision to change your life and affect and impact those you love the most, when you leave everything you know and everyone you love and everything you love and everyone you know... well... you spend a couple of nights lying awake in bed wondering...
And I did.
But when you are on the Way (remember my Way is that of Buddha and Lama Ole Nydahl, and my magic international Sangha, and those beautiful methods that change one's life and bring joy, peace, wisdom and strength, as well as invincible protectors, who make sure the difficulties you face in your life are those you can learn from), well, when you are on the way one of the things you learn to do quite well is to trust space. And space is pregnant with information. It is enough to look around ourselves, to listen to what people are telling us, to become aware, then space is full of messages, and I began to take in all the signs.
The signs were many and favorable, not the least of those receiving my lama's blessing in May, during our yearly retreat. And upon arriving to Atlanta (my mandatory overnight stop) three perfect strangers were waiting for me at the airport. Their names are Sheri, Gloria and Dan. And they found me even when I was evidently lost and took me to dinner and home, and we spoke about life and stuff and I slept and ate and then they drove me to the airport and made sure I was fine. If that is not one blessed way to start a journey, then I don't know what is.
And the airplane I took in Atlanta flew me to my lover, like I said at the beginning. The man I fell in love with a few months earlier and who had fallen in love with me.
- At this point it is presumptuous of me to say that he still is in love with me, but I trust the information that space brings forward so we'll just continue on my tempo. -
And so the plane lands in Brussels, and I nervously run to brush my teeth and adjust my curls, and I step out of the plane and out of the airport and... THERE HE IS!!!! And I stop thinking, there are no thoughts. He is there and he is holding me in his arms and he is kissing my lips and we're both laughing like idiots and happy as children who find their best friend at the park after coming home from long vacations.
And we take the train, the metro, I don't know, I am too stunned by love and jet-lag to notice. And we get to his home and naturally fall into each other arms and hold each other tenderly. Then my friend, Ingrid, his room-mate, and the one who introduced us, as well as the main reason I accepted to fly to Brussels in the first place, where I knew nobody else at the time, wakes up (I forgot to mention I landed at 8 am on a Saturday). The three of us go out for a walk and I discover a beautiful city. I am stupidly surprised and I marvel at my own ignorance that Brussels could be so gorgeous. We do the tourist scene and I see La Grande Place and the Famous Manekeen Pis, and we drink a Belgian beer and walk and walk and walk. I am so nervous I cannot open my mouth for food, no Belgian fries, no Belgian waffles, no Belgian chocolates. I am high on love.
At night I meet their friends and we open a bottle of rhum I brought for him and we get slightly drunk and lay lazily on the couch watching my favorite romantic movie like nothing had ever happened that separated us, like time and space were just illusions, like only love is real, and I will discreetly skip the story until the morning after...
But I hardly see the point of going through all the details of my short visit to Brussels, suffice to say I saw my dear friend and I spent time with my most beloved, my lover, my friend, my man, whom I love so hard, my heart's better half... and I am happy.
Too soon comes the time to leave him and go to Karma Guen, and I am afraid because I don't want this loving to stop and I fear we'll never meet again, I fear things will never be the same... But I leave and I don't have to fake the last smile I give him from the train. I love you my sweet, thank you, thank you, thank you...
The first step is the happiest.
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