Clarity

I've come to realize that I've never felt as clear with my feelings before. I look at myself and there is no confusion. I see my flaws and my virtues clearly and without judgement. I don't analyze either (for once). I just look and see what is there. The jealousy I feel when I see all these happy families; and the good wishes that come naturally to my heart and mind for everyone to also be able to experience such happiness and fulfilment. I am surrounded by our people. People committed to the Way and who wish to grow and develop to reach Enlightment for the benefit of all beings. This inspires me and makes me want to move forward.

Unpon returning to Budapest, I toured the city with Carina, with whom I am becoming really close friends. We took so many pictures, we were professional tourists. The city is really beautiful, unimaginably so.  The Budapest Buddhist center is the largest in the world. Followed by Hamburg. Around 40 residents share that space, including a girl from Venezuela, Anuk. The Gompa is truly beautiful, I shot a video in the hopes my friends from El Salvador enjoy it.

I have thought about my mother a lot, she would so enjoy being here with me. I am amazed at the Hungarians generosity. It seems to be a national trait. The notion of money and belonging is hardly present here. A guy even offered me a Manjushri statue for the Center in San Salvador. He also drove us to Becske in the late afternoon, to have dinner with Lama Ole and bid him goodbye. We will of course meet again in Tenovice very soon.

I drove from Budapest with Antonia, a Hungarian girl who, for surreal reasons has a very strong connection with El Salvador. Her dream is to go there, she seems to think there is only Paradise there and loves latin men.  The irony is enormous. About 20 years ago, she opened a magazine and found a picture of El Salvador and felt electrified. There was a picture of Major Roberto D'Aubuisson, an extreme right politician who is believed to be responsible for the murders of many people during the civil war years. For some absurd reason she cut the picture and brought it to Lama Ole during a course. He started at it and told her the man was actually dying from cancer at the very time, and that he was a murderer, so he could probably use her good wishes. 

We drove through Hungary and through a small part of Slovakia, by Bratislava, until we reached the Czech border. That's when the magic happened. I can't explain it rationally, all I can say is I felt as if all my life I had done nothing but wait for the very moment I would come here. (come back?) I was silent for several hours, only aware of the expansion of my chest, where my heart is supposed to be but did not feel there anymore, so large it was at the moment. I felt like tears were going to run down my cheeks from emotion. I had a sense of accomplishment, like I had finally done something that was mean to be done. Please bear in mind I have not seen Prague yet, nor Tenovice for that matter. Only pine trees and hills and lovely villages. 

The sense that something important has happened is so strong I feel something close to what happens when we fall in love, or when we give birth to a new baby. I KNOW at that moment I have found the place where I am going to live. This is my new home.