Trust

When I decided to start this blog, I made a commitment with myself that I would always be as honest and transparent as possible, and I have so far been quite faithful in honoring this promise. Sometimes writing has been blissful and I assume reading might then be inspiring. At other times however, my writing comes from my processing difficult emotions and the results are not as hopeful or optimistic, like my last post.

When my man read it he told me pointblank "there isn't any trust reflected. It is sad." Indeed it was, because that is how I felt when writing it. A very easy and honest conversation followed, where he informed me he thought I was probably feeling this way because of a lack of trust in myself regarding our relationship, and that if this was so, it had little to do with me staying or leaving, and would anyway rise again later on. I didn't disagree completely but spoke about the previous experiences I've had with my other "long-distance" loves, where enthusiasm has died a slow or quite rapid death, depending on the conditions. Surely this justified my feeling so discouraged! With the clarity he can so easily summon whenever its called for, my love uttered the words that solved everything,swiftly removing the clouds of doubt. He said, with this mixture of gentleness and firmness he uses when speaking about matter pertaining to us that I like so much because it always settles things constructively; he simply said "Trust us." I couldn't believe how simple it was... Just like that, two simple words... and my heart was at ease.

It is true that our time together has been short. Not even two months have elapsed, but as he eloquently puts it, the time spent together has been intense. We have been sharing a very small space and been in each other's faces basically... all the time! Except when he goes out to work, or to his salsa classes, or if we go out with friends, separately, and also on my daily outings by myself. And this we've done quite well, I think, maintaining our independence while sharing such close proximity.

We've also been quite transparent with each other, sharing points of views, opinions, bad moods, as well as joys, happiness and relaxation. I even had the brilliant idea of getting sick, to add some stress to the situation (he - of course - took me to the doctor, ever so kindly, in his "lets-solve-this" no non-sense way of facing difficulties). We've both had our spouts of anger, although not directed at each other, so far. Fortunately. One angry person isn't optimal, but if both are, then everything is doomed. I think it's actually been educating. And a good way of getting to know each other, after all it's not rosy petals all the time, is it?

In fact, when, in the past few weeks spent in Budapest, I've had the opportunity of chatting with girls, and everyone knows that friendly girly conversations cover mainly the topic of boyfriends and love, this lack of rosy-petal relationships has become evident. They all eventually end up sharing some or other disastrous relationship they have manage to walk out of, and I've felt quite happy to see that although of course I have my own share of "ex-boyfriends from hell" stories to share, they actually go back quite far in time, and that from my recent experiences I can only speak of good relationships, with good men, who actually were also my good friends.

I am delighted to see how I have passed from the dissatisfying and hurtful relationships of the past to comfortable, loving and respectful ones, where the emphasis has been placed on love and happiness and not on resentments coming from unsatisfying relationships, or power struggles and manipulations or straight out disrespect, falsehood and deceit, as is unfortunately so often the case.

During the recent Kuchary course in late June, Lama Ole answered the question of an unhappy lady who was disappointed about the relationships in her life, he said "Become a better partner". The idea strikes me then that I have become a better partner, and that in fact, I am a quite good partner. That I have learned to love without all the troubling expectations that so cloud our feelings, and to argue or not argue but only listen to what the other has to say (depending on the situation) without taking anything personally. I have learned to express myself and my feelings directly, without shame or fear or added drama. I have learned to become sensitive to the other's emotions and state of mind, instead of listening only to my own mind and seeing only my perception of the situation at hand.

I realize I am completely open to the present moment and what it can bring and therefore not overly attached to my own plans. This gives me a freedom I couldn't enjoy before, the freedom of deciding how to act and even feel at every moment, with everybody. And the freedom of living every second of my life as it comes, without holding on to the past, regardless how recent, or to the future, regardless how brilliant... Of course I realize I've come a long way, but that is exactly my purpose as a Buddhist, as a mature woman... To leave behind all self-hindrances and self-sabotage strategies, to see beyond old and rancid ideas, patterns and opinions, to grow and develop everyday, and to be of benefit to others, especially to those closer to me, those whom I love the most, who incidentally are those who have the strongest impact on me.

It is clear to me then, I have better partners because I am a better partner myself.

I look at the man next to me, so busy in his own computer world of work, salsa and news while I dwell in my own computer world, writing my blog and checking facebook and I feel positively elated... He is interesting, and smart, and kind, and funny, and gentle, yet firm, and strong, and beautiful, and reliable; and I love him, and I trust him, and I most definitely trust us.

I know...

Because experience is something that I always take into account, and not something I try to uncomfortably hide when I don't like what happens, I know time and space affect every single one of us. The energies present today aren't the energies present tomorrow. Like the waters flowing under the Chain bridge here in Budapest are never the same waters, like the clouds passing over us change with every second, like the weather, like the rain, like my hair in the wind, like hunger, and thirst, and everything else, so also feelings change.


So I know when I leave Budapest I am truly leaving. And this is not an easy knowledge to behold, because, of course, in the absurdity of our little and big hearts, we just want things that make us happy to stay the same. But they don't.  And I know, because of what life has already taught me, not least of all this very summer, that when we let go of something, space in its vast generosity always rushes to bring us more, and we are never without what we need, inevitably receiving what we have earned through our thoughts, words and actions, since beginless times...


That doesn't mean I am not coming back. I am. This I also know for certain. But I know that in taking that plane I am weaving new conditions, new circumstances for my life that will mark it, dent it, for better or for worse, because every single step we take has a cause and a consequence. And although I do not know any of what will happen even this very afternoon, I know for a fact that one month away from here is one month spent creating something else, something entirely foreign to Budapest, to Gergő, to this "home", to this sangha, to this world that I've come to like so much.


I know that I will be happy surrounded by all my beloved ones, that I haven't seen, hugged, kissed in so long. I know I need to go home like one needs to breathe and drink and love, because I love my family, because I miss my friends, because I need to work and earn good money, and I know I will enjoy everything. Looking in the eyes of my beloved family, laughing with my girlfriends, eating the familiar food, driving again on the familiar streets, feeling again like a professional, dealing with my clients and colleagues, coming back to everything that is familiar, that is easy, that I know by heart...


I also know I will miss Europe, the proximity with the teachers, the stupas and the dharma energetic activities, I will miss Budapest's Gompa, where I feel so at home and so inspired, and the kind, lovely friends that I have met and made. But of course the worse will be missing Gergő, and the life we've made and shared. I know...


So knowing everything I know about how water flows under bridges, about how fast clouds move in the sky and about how even the strongest personal energies change, I know it is sadness, and not trust, that I feel today.

The Placement of the Letter "R"

Today my boyfriend and I had an argument. The reasons behind it are not important, as it happens generally. In fact the conflict arose from such a stupid thing, that it would embarrass the both of us if I described it here, so let's just go to the core of things and say we had a conflict.

When two people argue, they use words. These words are supposed to explain our perspective and to give strength to our arguments. Sometimes however, we let words slip through our lips without thinking really of the weight they carry, and they come out and they take up space and they deliver a message, and like this, sometimes, they hurt.

I am standing in the door, and my beloved opens his lips and boom! out come these thoughtless words... I feel wounded. I do not react. I take the blow and feel it. I realize this is not who he is. I also decide he didn't realize what he was saying and most likely didn't mean it. But the words are there.

We continue to argue and then, I give up. I decide to make the bed instead and not to go to the supermarket. (This all happens before a shopping trip). He knows this and decides to come to me, as eager to mend this as I am. He doesn't walk away... I love him for that. As I explain to him how I feel, my eyes are teary, but I know this is just a physical reaction to my emotional state, so I don't cry, it is unnecessary.

All this time, I listen to him, and I think before speaking. I am trying very hard not to fall in the habitual patterns of interrupting, of saying anything to prove a point, of manipulating the situation by way of words or feelings, of using rhetorics to make the other look bad. I don't want my man to look bad. I don't want to win anything here. I want to explain and to understand.

He is also receptive and assertive. We talk. We see how different we truly are in some aspects. We also see the best in each other. He acknowledges the words that he let slip out too quickly and says "I'm sorry". I feel so relieved. We hold each other close and breathe. We think a little and talk about important things, mainly the differences between us, and how they don't separate us. I feel how important he has become to me, how good he truly is and how much I like him and my life with him. He holds me in his arms. We both feel the relief. Relief that this drama could be seen through dharma.

About the Future and Other Uncertainties

As I ride the tram on my way home, this word strikes me... "home" I am thinking of going back to the Budapest Buddhist center, where I have been staying for over a week now, in Gergö's apartment and my mind just automatically said "home". The thought doesn't scare me, and that is in itself scary.

As I reflect on the summer I've spent travelling I see how many unexpected things have happened along the way. I never, for example, planned on going to Kuchary. It sort of happened spontaneously, like Tenovice, like Prague and Vienna, like Denmark, like Mangutovo... It would seem I am becoming a professional artist in Spontaneity. My relationship with Gergö is also like that. A work of Spontaneous Art.

Lama Ole urges us continuously to live more in the present, to be more here and now, and stop wasting our time reflecting upon the past and anticipating the future. Of course, he means it this way: "wasting our time". Because spending time wondering why I did this, or said that, is useless, and spending idle time wondering what might happen if, or worrying about what will be is also useless. However learning from our past and planning the future are not useless forms of entertaining ourselves, in fact these are very significant ways of growing, developing and reaching our goals.

Therefore, resting in here and now I've come to be where I am, no over-analysis, no counter-balancing decisions, just flowing with what's right in front of my nose, and it's worked quite well so far. I call this Meditation In Action. Knowing effortlessly what to do next, trusting space absolutely and giving in to what feels right. This is my Art of Spontaneity.

Now however, I must  look forward a bit, a strange thing lingers on the near horizon. It's called "deadline". Just the word is enough to feel chills in your back... DEAD and LINE. There is not much escape from those two words, no spontaneous flow to liberate me... I am stuck and grounded by this forecast. There is a LINE in my near future and it's DEAD!!!

I entered the European Union on June 11th and got the longest stay permit available for any non-Schengen national: 90 days. So this basically means I must either leave Europe on September 11 (although, as Gari puts it, 90 days is actually September 9th, thank you very much), or find a solution. Being the very fortunate girl that I am, I found myself a very active boyfriend, who has been dedicating loads of time and energy to finding a solution for this terrible predicament we're in. I can never convey with words the gratefulness I feel as I see him working so hard to extend my stay. MY stay. And my heart literally overflows with love for him for his diligent efforts to help ME. ♥ ♥ ♥ <3 <3 <3 ad infinitum...

Yet so far, we still find ourselves in the same plight. Our friends give advise and we make a decision that apparently has worked for others, albeit being a bit risky. We will leave the Schengen treaty area and come back, hoping for another 90 days permit. The idea sounds brilliant! Especially since our destination of choice is Croatia the beautiful, the beach is not so far and already we are happy and careless tourists in our minds. But the drawback of this apparently flawless plan is, if I'm unlucky, I could not be allowed back in Hungary and therefore would have to find creative ways of returning to El Salvador, and maybe face worse consequences when trying to return.

Those who know me know I rarely dwell on inauspicious thoughts.

Instead I tell Gari, wearing a smile that only has space for thoughts of beautiful Croatia, that with the amount of blessings that we both carry, how could ANYTHING go wrong??? Our lama is making wishes, our friends are making wishes, we are making wishes... It's a no-brainer!

So we make plans for Croatia, and for the Salzburg Stupa inauguration later this month. After that, it will be time for me to take a big plane and fly back to El Salvador, to work a bit for one month and earn some dough, to help me start my new life in Hungary - Oh, that's right, you don't know...

Well... about the future and stuff... We've decided I should come back here, to Budapest, and give love a chance.

Prague is not going anywhere anyways...

On the Power of Wishes

After spending over two months on the road, sleeping in tents, bathing in public showers which rarely had any hot water, eating what's available, when it's available, focusing and concentrating on meditations and teachings, going to bed at odd hours and waking up too early for leisure; the past week in Budapest has been more than a welcome time to relax, recovering lost sleep and indulging in the luxuries we normally take for granted, such as bed, hot food and tea or coffee on demand, as well as hot private showers.

It has also been a time of discoveries, discovering this time not a new city or retreat center, but a man, and my relationship to him. I must confess that my silence over the past week is also a reflection of all the emotions that have been revealing themselves and that I've hesitated to share because of their intrinsic intimate nature. But a writer's job is to expose and disclose feelings and emotions in ways that helps readers to identify with them, and to recognize themselves in the tribulations experienced by the writer, and to maybe understand themselves better, or ever so hopefully, to learn something new, to have a spark of recognition and feel somehow wiser because of what the writer dared to share. So in spite of much hesitation, I've decided to come clean, and to continue to write with honesty and candor about my perceptions of life as it evolves within.

Now I must take a step back, back to the days before my trip, back to San Salvador and the times when I was only wishing for all this adventure to unfold. And well, my ticket was purchased, my itinerary somewhat organized, and my relationship with Waldo finished. Whatever remnants of love were in my heart still, attached as it was to a loving, kind and funny lover, the relationship per se was gone and I basically held no real hopes of recovering it. Whatever little wisdom my mind had gathered in the past had taught me to understand and accept that when things are over, we must let go. And although my heart still beat quite strongly for him, my mind knew better than to restrict hopes of happiness to him.

So here I am, planning my trip, dreaming of the Lama, of the Karma Guen mountains, and of the Hungarian retreat center (the only two places I was supposed to visit at that time), talking to my friends about my plans, hopes and expectations, and besides the main absolute wish of settling down in Europe and build a life for myself and my family, there was one other very clear wish. I wished for love. For a tender, gentle, honest love with a man who would share my values and vision of the world, a man on the Way, on my Way, on the Diamond Way.

All along this trip that has taken me to 9 different countries: Belgium, Spain, Poland, Hungary, Czech Republic, Austria, Denmark, Germany and Slovakia my mind has been set on making wishes. At the circunambulation of every single Stupa that I have been in these past 2 and half months, my mind has focused on making wishes. At the Gompas in every center, my mind has made wishes.

Most of my wishes have been directed to the benefit and welfare of others, such as we've seen in previous posts, wishing for Waldo to find love and happiness, wishing for Sofía's father to be liberated from all suffering and being happy, wishing for my friend's happiness, for my mother's health and my children's well being, as well as for my lama's long life and strong health, and for those who still long for a loving partner.

But I have also made more selfish wishes. At every step along the path I have wished for my move to Europe to happen without obstacles, and for me to have the conditions of moving here unhindered, and to settle down to a good, stable life. I have wished for work and prosperity, in order to create the conditions for this European life I so desire, and to bring my children to me as soon as possible. And, of course, I have also wished for love.

Wishing for love has been the hardest. I found it strange to not have any specific man to focus on, but also quite liberating, since I was then free to request all the qualities I deemed important. And I did. I asked for a man to love who would love me in return. I asked for this man to be young, but mature; I asked for this man to be a Buddhist, and an inspired student of Lama Ole; I asked for him to have a job, and to be the kind of man who works; I asked for him to be good looking, reliable, sensitive and funny, and kind to me and other people, I asked for a man who would be friendly and whose friends I'd like, I asked for a man who would desire me, and with whom there would be sparks all the time, but he would also be sweet and tender to me, and would love me in the ways I like being loved, I asked for an uncomplicated relationship, but a committed one as well. I asked for this and probably much more, and it all came down not so much to the man, but to the good, happy, stable relationship we'd have.

Then in Lolland, after the weddings, I came to Lama Ole and spontaneously asked for his blessing "so that I can find a partner to share my life with" I almost spoke without thinking, the yearning of my heart came forward, and my Lama knew it came from a deep, deep place. A place that knew of fear and disappointment, but that still believed. He held me in his arms ever so strongly and as he put the Gao on my head and over my back, on the heart center, I could feel the strongest blessing until then. My eyes filled with tears and I could barely speak. He then asked me quite seriously "Do you like the Nordic type" and I manage to babble "I am not choosy" to which he quickly replied "You should be! You are a magnificent woman, you should be choosy!" I then gathered enough wits to respond "I am Lama, but with qualities, not nationalities" and we smiled at each other, content.

I often went to the Lama again, at E.C. and Mangutovo, but this time, my request was different "Please Lama make wishes that I can stay in Europe, make wishes that my visa is extended." and every time, the same loving certainty in my Lama's eyes told me I shouldn't worry about anything. The Buddhas are on it ;) The last time I saw Lama Ole, I wasn't alone anymore. I had found myself a man (as the lama himself told me smiling). The last time we both saw and spoke to Ole, he gave the both of us together a very strong blessing.

Well, a couple of nights ago, after spending yet another perfect day in beautiful Budapest, I looked into the eyes of this man I found, who's the only reason I am here at all now, I looked into his eyes and was amazed to realize he is everything I ever wanted, even if I never expected it. I realized he has the qualities I was searching for, and he treats me lovingly, as lovingly as I could ever wished to be treated, and that our relationship gives me as much joy and warmth as I could hope for, and that - as I've said before -  in his arms, I feel safe.

I cannot know what the future holds for us, I don't even know if I will be able to stay in Europe after September 11 (yes, the date is dramatic as well, adding to the intensity of the situation), but he is doing his best to help me, and that is beyond anything I could hope for. I know everything to be impermanent, and I know the time we've spent together so far is short. But I know my heart, and he knows his, and, as he whispered to me the other night, "Maybe the Lama's wishes were not only for the visa... Maybe they were also for love and happiness..."

And most likely... they were.

Mangutovo, Mangutovo, Mangutovo

Dharma is about being here and now, fully in the present moment, and I have truly been living like that this summer. A clear example is our decision (Carina and myself) to travel to Mangutovo. As I return from Schwarzenberg, she tells me she has had an idea, but I am off for coffee and a chat with my beloved friend Joan Paul, so this has to wait. Finally, at 22:00 with a few other friends, the decision is made, we rent a car and head to Mangutovo tomorrow morning.

To say that the trip was a good one would be a lie, I was uncomfortable, hot, I ate too much and felt generally irritable, although happy to be soon again in the Lama's power field. Let's just say this sort of experience is oddly and perversely reassuring: I am still human, haha!

Finally, after an extremely long drive for our poor Georg, we made it to the wild forests surrounding Mangutovo. At that point I was repeating like a mantra "mangutovo, mangutovo, mangutovo..." And we were suddenly there!!!! Already the lecture was over, but our friends were at the Cafeteria having a drink and making bonds. I was immediately amazed by all the friendly faces from all past courses, and at least 10 people from Latin America were present!!! What a great development that we are able to come to these remote retreat centers. We decided to sleep in the Gompa and wait til the morning to set up our tent.

The morning after was spectacular, since it was night time when we arrived, it is just now that I am really able to appreciate the beauty of this place. We are in the Slovak mountains, and the view is magnificent! The sky is the bluest shade of blue and the sun shines on us, it is a true summer and you can almost grasp at the joy in the air. In the showers I meet Magda, from Poland, who sat next to me in the EC Gompa. We rejoice in meeting again and she exclaims joyfully "All the homeless people!!!" After all, she is right, we have been on the road for over two months, sleeping in tents, traveling by accident or mere chance, meeting over and again the same friends who also live on the road. We joke at the fact that the both of us are indeed homeless and basically country-less. She might move to Germany and my heart is set on Prague.

I later move to the Gompa, I am more motivated than ever to practice. I feel an ocean of peace inside of me and all I want to do is ride the wave of motivation and meditate. This place is full of good impressions, it moves me to practice and I open my booklet and relax on the Purification Buddha's image that I build over my head. I AM COMPLETELY HAPPY HERE AND NOW.

Soon we'll see Lama Ole and the thought almost makes my heart jump inside my chest. I focus on the crystal Buddha and let thoughts go. Suddenly I feel the urge to get up and put my things on the Blessing table. I quickly understand this is just another distraction, and I should just let it go. I return to the meditation and peacefully enjoy it.

As soon as we arrived I started to ask all of the Hungarians on how to arrange a ride to Budapest on Monday, but space is scarse and my only sure thing is driving out Sunday afternoon with Adam, but I say no. I want to be with the Lama, the Sangha, and I trust Space. I will go to Budapest on Monday.

The lectures start... I am so happy to see my lama again. I feel so different than I ever felt before, I feel the unlimited field of possibilities opening to me, to really be of benefit for others. Suddenly a smile is no longer just a smile, it is much more: appreciation, openness, willingness to be useful and help. I see how I have moved from having a very small life to living a large life that commands inspiration to finish my Ngöndro and to be of service.

I meditate again the day after, I want to be worthy of my teacher, of my friends on the way, of Buddha's teachings, therefore I must purify my mind of all laziness, stiffness and rigid opinions and structures. I want to be open, like sunshine,and thus be useful.

Lama Ole says: "It is always a practice of what is possible"

That night, I have a beautiful surprise. G. comes to me. I am happiest. I knew I would get to Budapest on Monday, but didn't expect it would be like this. Space is again generous beyond measure. Although I had decided to go see him in Budapest since my stay in Schwarzenberg, I must confess a subtle hesitation inside of me, it is not an easy step to take, but here he is meeting me half-way and all things fall into place. Again, he makes me feel safe.

Monday comes finally and we must leave. Mangutovo is all over my heart, I don't want to go. We go into the Lama House to visit the Gompa which will be inaugurated tonight. Latzi gives us the tour, showing us all the beautiful statues and tsa-tsas. As we come down the stairs I see Lama Ole is having dinner on the terrace and decide to say goodbye. He takes me in his arms, more gently than ever. His tenderness numbs me, and G., who is with me, also feels the same, we get an amazing blessing, he talks to us, tells us to always be friends and enjoy life, he holds our heads tightly to his forehead and speaks to us gently, no matter how hard we try, we cannot remember afterwards what he said.

As we walk towards the flags, G. whispers "I am still shaking from the blessing". So am I...

Getting better

Most often than not, we meet new people and immediately let the engine of our concepts and fixed ideas run, categorizing our new acquaintances without really stopping to think about it. We believe we understand things, when actually it is simply our mind making constant judgments on everything, based on our imprints from the past. With men it goes something like this:

1) Possible/potential lover (green/yellow light)
2) Possible/potential stalker (red alarm)
3) Friend (green light)

Once a man is on a girl´s list, the category will very rarely change, except for the worse in the cases where a man falls down from list n°1 to list n°2, but list n°3 is usually comfortably stable.

Much has been said on the subject that men and women cannot be friends, yet throughout my life, from my earliest childhood memories to the latest happenings and occurrances in my recent travelings, I´ve found the opposite to be true. Men have always been an important part of my mandala, and I don´t mean romantically.

From my earliest friend Philip, with whom I walked home from school and escalated parked cars pretending they were mountains, to David, my best friend roaming together the streets of Paris, and Arnoldo, my highschool very best buddy, hours on the phone, laughing like crazy and sharing all my secrets, to the many more than came to my life as time passed: Ota, Polo, Gilles, Joan Paul and others, more recently during this trip: Kuba, Szabi, Peter, Stephan, and others I´ve already wrote about in previous posts... Male energies have always been friendly to me, have helped maintain the balance when there is no special person in my life, and have given me good times and patience, and have helped me analyze the men I am interested in as category n°1, while I have also imparted some feminine wisdom for their benefit.

I have always been quite strict on not disturbing the categories. It always helps to be well organized, to know what to expect and to keep at least some things predictable. If you know that this man is your friend, then you somehow feel safe around him, safe from inappropriate flirting (on both parts!) and safe because a man is such a wonderful energy to surround ourselves with. Strong, protective, gentle and kind, these male friends have made my life better for as long I can remember, and I am a strong believer and supporter of the male-female friendship bond.

The night that I met G., instead of opening up to him impartially and getting to know him, I quickly decided he looked the flirting type and fell therefore in the category of men with whom I should thread carefully. But I also noticed how friendly and kind he was, and the following day, he remembered my name and greeted me in a friendly way, so after a few more conversations I decided he was a really nice guy (although a flirt) and warmed up to him. Let it be known that I was going through strong purifications, as you might know if you're a faithful reader ;). When we met again upon my arrival at the E.C. I was totally happy to see him. I was also charged with all the blessed energy from Lolland and the recent events in my private life and my heart was open, I could open up to him on a new level: friendship.

I also got the feeling that his energy had also changed a bit, he seemed more relaxed, happier, and therefore kinder and fresher. From the very first day/night at EC he treated me with an absolute generosity, and I could appreciate his qualities and simply fell into trusting him. From that very moment, his presence felt like a balm of safety whenever he was around. His readiness to smile, to share his stories, our talks in fluent French, my native language, his gentle attention... well, he won my heart over in record time. But we were friends.

I mean like good friends. Friends you just know you can count on, friends to share secrets with, honestly, shamelessly even... very quickly my appreciation of his many qualities grew. Talking to him came naturally, and his company became comfortable happiness. He is a friend I feel safe around. A good friend. A noble and trustworthy friend, and this opinion I have of him has only increased after he moved into another category in my heart. He is still my friend, my comfortable, natural, happy friend. But now he also is the man I am falling in love with.

Ever so subtly one night we both knew things had changed. And now they´re only getting better.